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May 28, 2020
The new social etiquette in a COVID-19 world: Part 1
Although our cities are, by baby steps, opening up again, we know that the effects of the COVID-19 global pandemic will be with us for many months, and perhaps years, to come. The harsh realities of social distancing are not going away any time soon.Â
We can expect that our experience in places where we gather as a society â from grocery stores, restaurants and hair salons to movie theatres, gyms and airlines, to name a few â will be uncomfortably altered for some time.Â
Given this rocky road ahead weâre left wondering â where do we land now as a society? What are the new rules of engagement in social situations? How do we function when weâre constantly on guard, in fear of strangers as carriers of the virus? Do we report our neighbours when theyâre breaking the rules, or can that be taken to socially toxic extremes? In short, what are the new rules of etiquette in a COVID-19 world?Â
With these heavy questions in mind, we looked to a few ÁùŸĆÉ«ÌĂ experts from a range of fields for insights and advice.Â
The experts here include social psychologist Dr. PhD; social philosopher Dr. PhD; and sociologist Dr. ±Êłó¶Ù.ÌęHereâs what each of them had to share.Â
DR. CARA MACINNIS (Psychology)Â
âIâve been thinking a lot about social norms as we re-enter the world and go back to places like stores and restaurants,â says MacInnis. âI think most of us know what weâre supposed to do, but we can predict a lot of variability in what people are actually going to do. Itâs human nature to look to other people when deciding âHow am I supposed to be behaving in this situation Iâve entered?â And I think thereâs a lot of potential for risk if we enter a place where nobody seems to be social distancing.â
You might think âTheyâre feeling safe and comfortable so Iâm probably safe too.â
âAnd you might not keep your distance. Or, you might be feeling anxious about it but you donât want to be the person who breaks the social norm, because you donât want to be the person whoâs acting differently.âÂ
Although it can make people feel uneasy, MacInnis says it will be important to speak up in these situations and âbe that person who breaks the social norm.â That might mean assertively asking someone whoâs standing too close to take a few steps back. Â
âIt really represents a social dilemma because what benefits the individual most is in conflict with what benefits the group,â says MacInnis. âBut whatâs best for society right now is distancing and protecting everybody. Even if itâs inconvenient for us as individuals.âÂ
Bring out worst in people
However, MacInnis is also concerned that our wariness of strangers will manifest itself in prejudice and discrimination.Â
âI feel like people are not going be viewed equally,â she says. âSome groups are going to be viewed as more likely carriers of the virus than others. With COVID-19 weâre definitely seeing spikes in unjustified anti-Asian prejudice. Usually when weâre trying to study prejudice itâs hard to get people to admit to it because social norms suggest we shouldnât be prejudiced. But situations like this may bring out the worst in people.â
Suddenly people are less afraid to be very blatant about their prejudices.
MacInnis also suspects that social distancing might affect the formation of new relationships. âIf youâve just moved from another city or country, or youâve been through the end of a romantic relationship, or, youâre lonely and you just need to get out there and make new friends â whatâs going to happen for those people? Itâs pretty important for new relationships to be able to develop in person.
âEven if you met online, things really amp up when the in-person contact starts, and it usually involves close contact. We shake hands, we hug, we kiss. So, weâre going to miss out on all of that. I think people will find creative ways to connect, but it might be a challenge.âÂ
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DR. DAVID DICK (Philosophy)Â
As a moral philosopher, Dick thinks a lot about the intentions and consequences involved in our actions and he notes that the virus has jumbled these notions in confusing ways. âPreviously benign and innocuous things are now dangerous to both ourselves and others and so we have to rethink our interactions,â says Dick. âBefore, refusing a handshake was nothing other than an insult, but now it can be an act of kindness.â
Before, sharing your food was a harmless way to be generous, but now it involves the risk of death or injury.
âBecause our actions have different consequences now, they have different moral values and it will take time for our norms to catch up. We now need to pay more attention than we did before both to what people are intending through their actions and what consequences those actions might have.âÂ
Awkward time of breaking old habits
This will involve constantly breaking the old rules of etiquette around actions, says Dick, and this will be hard to do. âOld habits will continue to guide us, and the sting of insult can remain even when it is not intended and everyone understands why the new rules are being followed. It will feel wrong for a long time and hopefully wonât last forever. What we can do is pay attention, be kind to ourselves and each other, and try not let the old rules of etiquette lead us to feel insulted or to put each other in danger. Kindness looks different now, and weâll need constant reminders of this until its new face feels familiar.â Â
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DR. JENNY GODLEY (Sociology)
âI worry that society is going to become more divided,â says Godley. âMaybe the elderly wonât be allowed in gyms, or, certain groups will be stigmatized to the point where other groups wonât socialize with them. This virus has highlighted so many inequalities in our society and I can see people thinking âItâs fine for us to socialize in our safe, white neighbourhood, but itâs not okay to socialize with someone in, say, Chinatown.âÂ
Learn to say hello from a distance
Godley has major concerns about the long-term impacts of the pandemic on both social relations and mental health. âIâm missing that daily hello,â she says. âWhen weâre out walking the dog and we have to cross the street to avoid strangers â I think that could be quite damaging in the long term. Iâm hoping that new norms will develop where we still say hello from a distance. And I think we have to be really careful that weâre not allowing prejudice to creep into these actions as well. If youâre only crossing the street if you see an Asian person, for example. Itâs important to socially distance, but we have to be careful that weâre being consistent with it and doing it for the right reasons.âÂ
She adds: âPeople right now are very frustrated and, in many cases, very lonely. Itâs such a stressful time.â
Anyone with school-age kids at home who are also trying to hold down a job are feeling enormous pressure. And then the people who are out of work are feeling such financial stress.
âWe can predict that the mental health repercussions of this pandemic are going to be huge.âÂ
These anxieties donât always bring out the best in human nature. At a time when calling out others on social media for not following the rules has become commonplace, Godley worries about an undercurrent of nastiness thatâs not fully rooted in concerns for public health.Â
âLook at the issue of masks,â she says. ââPeople get so angry that other people arenât wearing masks, and it is understandable, but itâs also creating this right to comment on individuals in a way that we havenât had in a long time. Thatâs something we need to be really careful about because thereâs this anger bubbling under the surface and I think a lot of this finger-pointing can be more about our own frustrations.âÂ
- Photo at the top of the article by ÌęŽÇČÔÌę
UCalgary resources on COVID-19
For the most up-to-date information about the ÁùŸĆÉ«ÌĂ's response to the spread of COVID-19, visit theÂ
For resources to support students, faculty, staff, alumni, and all our communities during this unprecedented time, visit the